Would you buy my book?

Just how accurate is an autobiography?

What do you do when you have screwed up but you still want the public to view you in a decent way? Or what can you do to reclaim your lost 15 minutes of fame when you desperately need the cash but have realized that you just don’t sell anymore? Write an autobiography, of course!

When you ever get to write one, you can tell everyone “your” side of the story and “your” interpretation of the issue. You can be as defensive as you want, no one is gonna say anything or interfere you in “your” book. Yes, remind them, it’s mine.. all mine….

What is the worst that could happen? Maybe someone who disagrees will write another book in retaliation to yours. Be prepared to hear all your stuff analyzed in great depth and being told that you are an idiot. No big deal, that would only increase your popularity stakes, someone cared “enough” to go through the hell and trouble of writing a book just because I wrote a bunch of inaccurate crap to save my ass…

It still don’t register in my mind that an autobiography can be historically accurate. Is there a special panel erected by the publisher to scrutinize each and every word that you write as to make sure that it is also accurate to “their” interpretation as well? Well everyday, these panel guys would conduct meetings to debate over your book chapter by chapter. Some guy will be in charge of scurrying for newspaper clippings, go through them while burning the midnight oil, and would come back the next day to tell you hey, you can’t write that in your book, on the 24th feb 1986 you.... no, you can’t…. And sometimes, these guys would get into big fights throwing chairs and karate-ing board room desks because they disagree on one issue as everyone read different newspapers which report differently.

No way, don’t think that happens.

What if one day, Saddam writes in his own autobiography: those people were just careless, they fell into that hole.. I tried to save them but the landslide killed them, burying the hole.. I did not bury them alive, it was an act of god.. I have always been a nice guy…

Michael Jackson can say too that he did not molest those kids, in actual fact: they molested him…

So what is fact, and what is fiction? And what is an autobiography?

Perhaps one day, when I get famous enough for people to give a toss, I will write my side of the story and mislead all of you into NOT believing the bigger picture and just believe in what lies that I want to convey so that you will be trapped in a game that is mine to command. Ooh.. I feel so much like an illicit cult leader.

And, I love that.